My Breastfeeding Journey

This has been something I have wanted to blog about for a long time. It is something I really want to remember. I had some nursing photos made, with my awesome photographer, and decided it was time for me to document my journey.

Disclaimer: If you are offended by pictures of a mother feeding her child, you have a sick mind I won't judge you, but you probably shouldn't read this post. If you are a formula feeding mother, I support you 100%. I have several friends that have struggled, and formula feeding is best for them. I just want to document my journey. I am not one of those people that thinks formula feeding makes you less of a mother. I do ask that you don't take anything out of context. This is just MY journey and my experience. It something I truly cherish.  I promise I am not going to bash you, but if you get offended easily....I might skip this blog post.

This blog isn't going to be about Formula Vs. Breast. I think everyone knows the better nutritional option, but the truth is Breast isn't for everyone. If feeding your child formula is the only way to maintain sanity in your household, by all means grab the Enfamil. It is more important that your child have a peaceful household. . Breastfeeding is a lot more than nutrition. In fact, when I look back on Owen and I's journey, I rarely even think about the nutritional content. Nursing my child, was so much more than providing nutrition. I can't even think about my motherhood without thinking about my nursing bond with Owen.

My decision to breastfeed was a cost thing. Yep! You read that right. I wanted to stay home with my little boy more than anything in the world, and was willing to do whatever it took to do that. I didn't care about anything else, but saving money to stay home. At that moment in time, I might have even been a little grossed out by the thought of breastfeeding....

Then...I started reading! I realized wow, this breastfeeding stuff is pretty amazing...I am glad I made this decision.

The next feeling I felt was worry. What if it doesn't work for me? I will be devastated! I would sit in Owen's nursery, rocking in the chair, dreaming about the day I would be nursing him to sleep in the very same chair, and then I would worry that this little dream of mine wouldn't come true.

I remember being in labor, and still having that worry. I was so determined that breastfeeding was going to work out for me. I don't think anything could have stopped me, but I still worried....even through the worst contractions. I went into labor on Monday night, and didn't have Owen until Wednesday evening. I was in labor a LONG time, and I probably worried about nursing not working out a billion times.

Then my sweet HUGE little Owen was born. My wonderful nurses left me alone for bonding time. I remember unwrapping him and holding his sweet little body against my skin. I remember thinking this is the prettiest baby that has ever lived, and my son is awesome. Then it was time to nurse. I was shaking! What did I read in my books? Okay chin towards my breast, he is opening his mouth like a bird, time to get him to latch...and he did it! Just like that! I was so worried, and it was so easy. So many people told me the longer your baby "bakes" the better they are at nursing. That is SO so true! I wanted to induce more than anything. I was ready to hold my baby in my arms, but he was worth the wait! I couldn't believe my sweet little Owen was nursing. He nursed for one hour on one side. He looked at me the whole time. That bonding experience cannot be described. It was one of the best feelings in the world, and one of my fondest memories of nursing.

Here is a picture of Owen nursing for the first time. It feels like yesterday. This is one of my most treasured photos. It brings back so many memories. I was so tense. My neck and shoulders ached from holding them so tightly. I was in awe with the precious angel. I was so happy I chose to breastfeed in this moment.

After we got home I STRUGGLED! I know some people think that breastfeeding comes easy to some, but it is NOT easy. You have to work hard at it.  It is the hardest, most rewarding thing I have ever done in my life. I had to WORK for it, I chose to fight the battle, and I am proud of my hard work. Owen woke up every 45 minutes for the first 9 weeks of his life. I hadn't slept for 48 hours when I had Owen and I went straight into not getting to sleep for an hour straight for 9 entire weeks. There were so many tears out of pure exhaustion. I remember nursing Owen and crying in the middle of the night. Would I ever sleep again? Then I would look at his sweet little face and tell myself...I am going to miss this one day. I am going to wish I had this sweet baby in my arms every 45 minutes in the night one day. Then I would cry because he was growing up too fast.

If struggling on your own isn't enough then you get the dreadful tainted advice. I hate this more than anything. I may offend you in this section, so if you are easily offended and you've chose to read this blog anyways you might just want to mosey past this section. I am telling the truth about breastfeeding, and if  I said it was all rainbows and butterflies....I'd be telling a lie!

Oh the advice.... You get it from everyone, and most of it is just wrong! Seriously, bad advice really makes me want to punch some people in the face scream. I notice that most advice comes from people who DON'T EVEN HAVE KIDS! Let me tell you, my mom had an in home daycare. I have been around babies since I was two years old, I have babysat since I was 12....and I thought I knew it all too, but I knew NOTHING! I don't care if you have a degree in psychology, you took a class on children, you work in a setting with children every day, or you have 22 brothers and sisters, if you aren't a mother you know NOTHING about raising a child and you should NEVER give advice. Whether it be about disciplining, breastfeeding, or anything else...you know nothing....spare your breath. (whew!)

I want to share some of the advice I got and how I feel about it, and yes I am still a little bitter over it. Sweet Kristin is going to get a little ugly, but this is my blog, documenting my journey, about my child, and if you get offended just don't read it. (Seriously, don't!) If formula feeding was right for you, that is great! I am not putting you down by all means! I am just documenting what I went through.

1. You need to put that baby on a schedule! You will never be able to keep this up!
Honey, if you think children were brought into this world to be convenient you are HORRIBLY wrong! All of those sleep training books are GARBAGE! Yes, even your Babywise book, and yes I read Babywise and I am not just going from what I read on the internet. I read it, and I think you should go outside, start a fire and burn it.  This is just my personal opinion, but people who sleep train are trying to make their children convenient, and they just aren't! I am SO glad I didn't do a sleep schedule. Maybe it works if you formula feed, but breastfeeding is based on supply and demand. If you don't feed your baby when he is hungry your milk WILL dry up. I know some people might have been successful Breastfeeding and Babywise'ing, but they are in the minority. Sleep schedules and breastfeeding don't mesh. Honestly, Babywise is just MEAN! How would you feel if you were thirsty, just wanted a little water, and you were told..."No, you just drank an hour ago you have to wait three more hours." Babies eat when they are hungry and sleep when they are tired. My child is NOT a dog, so I don't need to "train" him. If you chose to raise your kids this way, I don't care...but please don't tell me I NEED to raise my children this way.

2. Breastmilk loses a lot of its nutritional value at 6 months.
You're right, and broccoli loses a lot of its nutritional value when you are 25. You should probably eat Snickers bars for the rest of your life. I don't care who told you this- they are wrong! Seriously, if you are stupid enough to believe that think this is true...don't give parenting advice- ever again!

3. Are you sure you are making enough milk?
Why, yes...I am! Thanks for asking! If you are breastfeeding you might even hear this from your doctor or nurse. They are probably WRONG! *GASP* Did I just say your almighty doctor might be wrong? Yes, yes I did! Formula feeding is convenient for a doctor,. If you get this advice, go to a lactation consultant. They are the only ones that might know the answer. Do NOT judge the amount of milk you make by how much you pump! A baby gets the milk out so much better than a pump, and honestly some women's breasts don't respond to the pump at all. Your baby does not need 2 oz the day he or she is born. Look at this picture...a baby's belly is small!If a mother isn't making enough milk, she KNOWS and she doesn't need you to tell her. :) I have some friends that honestly did not make enough milk, and they knew it.

4. You WILL have to give your baby a little formula. Don't you think they need a different taste?
I am glad you think you know everything about MY baby, but no I've never HAD to give him a little formula. The taste of breast milk changes every day depending on what I have eaten....he gets a different taste every time he eats. Why don't you put down that steak you are eating and drink some formula for a different taste? I promise you it tastes like it smells. Do you think that question was crazy? Yes, it was, and so was yours!

5. Many babies have drank formula and they all turned out FINE.
Really, not only do you know what is best for MY baby, but you also know every baby that has ever drank formula? You get around don't you! You might know some babies that have turned out fine, several do, but they aren't in the vast majority. Look at any research...the majority of breastfed babies are healthier than their formula fed peers. I am not bashing my formula feeding friends. I would NEVER tell you you HAD to feed your child breastmilk, and I don't see why people feel the need to tell a nursing mother they HAVE to feed their child formula.

I HATE the turned out fine statement when it comes to anything. I don't care if you spanked your children, let your children eat Debbie Cakes for breakfast, and let them wear their bathing suit in the winter- and they turned out FINE. I want my son to be more than FINE. So please don't ever ever utter this statement to me. It makes my blood boil!

5. Aren't you going to pump in the bathroom? (I had a former co-worker ask me this)
I will do that when you fix your lunch in the bathroom, and have your sandwich while sitting on the toilet. Bite me!

6. Aren't you going to put a blanket over his head, we are at dinner.
Sure! I have an extra one that you can put over your head while you eat too. :) I tried the cover thing. It is so much more trouble than what it is worth. I now wear a tank top under my shirt, and just put that down a bit. The only way anything is seen, is if you are staring, and if you are- well that is your problem.

You know what, I could write this whole blog on tainted advice, and I am sure I've made people mad. Maybe I should stop....the point is...don't give someone advice about parenting unless they ask. More than likely, they don't want it or even need it. If you didn't breastfeed, or didn't follow through with breastfeeding- don't try to make yourself feel better by giving tainted advice to someone that is breastfeeding.

My next struggle was pumping....I worked for an entire year and pumped. If anyone tells you that is easy they are lying out of their teeth. Breastfeeding involves a lot of blood, sweat, and tears.

My poor little Owen HATED the bottle. Not that I blame him! There would be days I would pick him up from daycare and he drank 3 oz all day long. I had many sleepless nights worrying about him not drinking his bottles.

Now I think I've talked about all the struggles. It is so important to share the struggles! They aren't spoke of often, so a lot of women think if they are struggling they can't breastfeed. Let's get to the happy parts of my journey.

I will never forget the early bonding with Owen. I learned so much about him. He nursed every 45 minutes....I had my child memorized!

I remember the way he would open and close his mouth 90mph when he was hungry. He looked like a little bird.

When Owen was in daycare nursing was something that "re-connected" me to him after work. I also felt like I was connected to him during the day when I pumped. I know that seems strange, but I did!

After, I quit work. I was able to donate a little milk to a friend, and then my entire stash to some really good friends when they adopted. It was such a rewarding experience. It is so funny, b/c before I had Owen...I probably would have thrown up at the thought of donating milk!

I love nursing now that Owen's gotten older. Some days it is the only time he sits in my lap. He is sooo busy!

I did go through one more struggle about 4 months ago. I had mastitis. I don't wish that on my worst enemy. It took a lot of painful nursing, and a strong antibiotic, but we made it through.

I love that nursing fixes everything. Boo Boos, tantrums, sicknesses, tiredness...it fixes everything for Owen.

My breastfeeding journey has been AMAZING! I can't wait to see where it goes from here.

I could have NEVER done this without awesome support from my husband. Matt Fall- You are amazing!

Stay tuned for pictures from Meredith Rowlen. :)